Unspoken Rules of Healthy Relationships

In this topic we will talk about relationship rules which nobody talks about but still affect the relationship on its core level.

Unspoken Rules of Healthy Relationships
Photo by Artem Beliaikin / Unsplash

In an ideal relationship give and take does not exist because its a mutually happy relationship. But in real world no relationship is perfect and there is some level of give and take in almost every relationship.

There are some unspoken traits or say rules of any healthy relationship that few people understand. And even those who understand may not necessarily be able to verbalize it and tell you about it.

In a healthy relationship with higher understanding the giver offers to give without asking and the receiver never has to ask.

Please Note : Receiving and Giving has nothing to do with Gender. You can be a receiver despite being a male and you can be a giver / provider despite being a female.

[A person can play a role of giver and receiver in a same relationship depending on situation and circumstances. ]

A relationship where receiver has to ask twice and giver does not offer to give without asking. Is a sign of unhealthy relationship pattern. This is a hallmark of any unhealthy relationship.

A repeated occurance of such a pattern in a relationship is an indication that relationship has become damaged and gone sour.

It is very important to break this unhealthy relationship pattern if you want to be happy in any relationship. If you're a receiver then stop asking twice even if that means the giver will never provide for you. If you're a giver offer to give without waiting for the receiver having to ask you to provide.

If as a receiver you stop asking and the giver fails to provide you. It is likely that you will feel rejected. Its better for you to let go and find a better relationship where a giver cares to give even without asking.

If you let go and giver does not comes back please understand that such a relationship was never good in the first place. It might appear to you as a loss or rejection in the short term but its better for you in the long term because it makes you a better human being.

The more you ask in order to receive the more you will lose your self-esteem and your own self-worth. Therefore never ask.

Asking once is okay ... but asking twice or more will result in loss of your self-esteem and self-worth.

Nature / Universe has designed relationships in such a way that the provider recognizes your needs even before you recognize your own needs. Asking once is still okay. But asking twice or more is damaging to your self-worth.

If as a giver you started offering to give without waiting for receiver to ask. Then you have corrected your behaviour. But if that does not change the behaviour of receiver and the receiver continues to ask. It is an indication that receiver does not trust you. Or there is a lack of appreciation for what you are providing to the receiver.

Lack of trust and lack of appreciation both are red flags and a person who offers to give / provide without asking deserves to be trusted and deserves to be appreciated.

A sense of appreciation does not imply that a receiver has to return what is provided to him in an effort to make the give and take equal in relationship. A sense of appreciation simply means an ability to recognize the worth of what is provided to you.

In a truly loving relationship a giver only expects to be appreciated for what he / she has provided and does not expects or asks anything in return.

As a receiver it is very sensible to recognize the worth of what is provided to you and not undermine its worth. When you undermine the worth of what is provided to you. You are indirectly belittling and showing disrespect towards to provider.

It makes the provider feel unappreciated and unrecognized. And ultimately makes him / her feeling unloved.

We as human beings often dont appreciate what nature and universe and god has provided to each of us. This lack of appreciation for Nature / Universe / God ultimately takes us towards darkness and becomes the cause of Spiritual degradation of human being.

How to Handle Rejection in Any Relationship ?

As a receiver in any relationship it is your Duty / Responsiblity to appreciate and recognize the worth of what is provided to you. It is quite natural that when you fail to appreciate what is provided to you. The provider will back off and you will feel rejected. But in such a case its a mistake on your part as a receiver for not appreciating what is provided to you and therefore in such case the rejection that you had to go through was well deserved.

In such a scenario arguing or belittling the provider for rejecting you only validates the fact that you dont appreciate the worth of what is provided to you in the first place. And hence your rejection was well deserved.

If you're being rejected due to lack of appreciation for the provider. In such a scenario the best thing for you is to say sorry and ask for forgiveness and show some appreciation for the provider in order to make up for your lack of appreciation in the past.

As a receiver it is sensible for you to accept the rejection as what you deserved for your mistakes. It is another step towards showing appreciation for the provider.

Accepting the rejection politely is the best way to show appreciation for the provider and make up for your lack of appreciation in the past. And it also shows that you have started trusting the provider.

At this point you have made up for your mistakes and you are on the right path to be a happy and healthy human being.

How the other person responds to you is not your concern because you cant decide for other person how they want to behave. Your only concern is to correct your actions in order to restore your dignity and self-worth and self-esteem.

Summary

As a receiver it is very important for you to make the provider feel appreciated. You can do this by recognizing the worth of what is being provided to you.

As human beings we can do this by simply showing / feeling gratitude towards the Nature / Universe / God for what it has provided to you. The feeling of gratitude is powerful and it makes lot of difference.

As a provider it is very important for you to recognize the needs of the other person and not ignore it and not wait for the receiver to ask you to provide. You should ensure that the receiver does not feel rejected. And if the receiver feels rejected then it is a mistake on your part not the receiver.

The final Words

The give and take becomes very complex in the real world. Because each person has their own personal perception of other persons worth. The best part to know is you dont need to know these rules at all.

You just have to see how a relationship makes you feel. If it makes you feel appreciated and loved then its a good relationship. If a relationship makes you feel belittled and rejected then its not a good relationship.

Conclusion

If breaking any of the above mentioned unhealthy relationship patterns results in a breakup of a relationship please understand that such a relationship was never good or worthy in the first place. Its better for you to let go and find a better relationship which will help you maintain your sanity and your dignity.